Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work

9 comments

1. 

   Anonymous on November 19, 2000 at 11:44 pm

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   This book offers suggestions and advice from a “panel” of authors. They have insightful techniques and point out how many times so many problems that can result in divorce or breakups can be attributed to a lack of communication. I highly recommend reading this book if you are single or involved, it’s useful for everyone.

2. 

   Dr. Ellen Kenner, Clinical Psychologist on May 7, 2002 at 2:31 am

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   “Sigmund told his longtime girlfriend Robin that he was willing to marry her if she would do 135 sit-ups a day to tighten her stomach muscles, allow him to buy her a more stylish wardrobe, read fewer novels so she could pay more attention to him….” Not all relationships start off this precariously. The authors state “Relationships can gradually run down. Early pleasures become commonplace and boring. Minor flaws become major flaws. Charming eccentricities become irritating.”
   Couple Skills is an excellent source for learning essential communication skills. If you can sidestep some erroneous theoretical explanations (e.g., behaviorist or systems theory explanations and occasional moral relativism), you can gain lifetime skills from this book. It includes realistic examples and useful exercises in each of its four sections: basic communication skills, advanced skills, managing anger and conflict, and understanding and changing what goes wrong.
   You will learn to identify barriers to active listening (e.g., sparring, derailing, placating, mindreading, selective attention, rehearsing your response). You will also learn to give feedback that is immediate, honest and supportive rather than brutal (or camouflaged). You will learn how to identify and express your needs. Did your parents prohibit the expression of anger? …or of pride? Learn how to overcome ingrained repression of your genuine feelings.
   The authors emphasize “clean communication” (i.e., how to give whole messages, not half-truths or disguised messages). They cover negotiation skills including seven classic methods of compromise. The section on anger and conflict helps you identify aversive strategies such as threatening to leave, guilt-tripping, derailing the conversation, belittling or blaming. The authors offer an alternative “key attitude” to help you deal with inevitable conflicts. They cover methods of assertively responding to criticism. As stated in this excellent book, “…(A)ssertive behavior allows you to stand up for your rights, express personal likes and dislikes, accept compliments comfortably, disagree with someone openly, and say no.” Couple Skills can help strengthen, improve or rescue your relationship.

3. 

   Anonymous on April 18, 2003 at 2:10 pm

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   I use this book when I do therapy with couples. It is very practical and it has really helped.

4. 

   Susan S. Harper on September 14, 2007 at 12:49 pm

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   This is my favorite couples’ therapy book. Not only do I use it constantly when I work with couples, but I’ve recommended and shared it with my interns and with psychiatric residents who are working with couples for the first time. Practical and down-to-earth, it provides useful examples and exercises for couples, both new and long-term. I highly recommend it.

5. 

   Dana Scott on April 7, 2008 at 4:23 pm

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   The book was helpful in my career as a “para-professional” or lay counselor. The reading was easy and not alot of legalistic wording.

6. 

   Beth Cholette on April 7, 2008 at 5:04 pm

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   Couple Skills is written by three established authors in the self-help field. The authors argue that their approach is unique in that it focuses on action and change, thereby requiring the active involvement of the reader. Furthermore, they have designed each chapter of the book to stand alone, thus allowing readers to pick and choose the sections of the book which are most personally applicable.

   As a clinical psychologist, I believe that the main strength of this book is its practical approach. Every chapter contains a wealth of helpful case examples, interactive worksheets, and constructive couple exercises. However, as the topic areas addressed become more complicated, so do the interventions, thus demanding an even greater level of participation from the reader. As the authors say in their introduction, this book is designed for couples who are willing to work; there must be a real commitment to engaging fully in the activities suggested in order to derive benefit. Topics addressed include listening, expressing feelings/needs, providing reinforcement, negotiating, problem-solving, coping with anger, and assertiveness techniques.

   For couples who share joint motivation to work on their relationship and who are willing to put in both the time and effort required to learn and practice the skills set forth here, this book is likely to be useful and informative. However, those who feel more ambivalent towards their partners and/or are looking for a quick fix are likely to be disappointed in work-intensive approach necessary to obtain benefit from this skills-focused guide. Overall, I rate this book 4 1/2 stars, as it does require a high level of commitment.

7. 

   Miss Reader on July 9, 2008 at 3:29 am

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   This book was useful for couples, friends, most communication interaction. The examples and descriptions were enlightening and informative on many levels!

8. 

   T. Henderson on January 30, 2009 at 1:20 pm

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   I am always looking for books by Matthew McKay, and I am never disappointed. This book is very helpful for couples…

9. 

   J. Chavez on February 5, 2009 at 5:30 am

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   We love this book! It has saved our relationship! I recommend this to any couple that is going thru a rut. it has excellent communication exercises that can be put into play immediately for lasting results.
   

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