apology“I’m sorry,” these words seem to be the hardest words to say.  Could there be some merit to the belief by some relationship experts that sometimes when people mention those words it’s just an excuse for the offending person to misbehave again? It seems that a genuine apology is actually difficult to receive because the words may have lost their meaning and most importantly, the behavior that caused the apology fails to change.

A good apology specialist can give you an apology without feeling or thought because they are more focused on the outcome, rather than how they made you feel when they offended you. For example, if the apology specialist offers up an apology it could be the difference between the receiver being a sour puss for the day or not, it may pave the way for a night of intimacy for the wayward offender or even stave off the ever popular silent treatment. Whatever the outcome, how does one apologize with sincerity?

  • You must first approach the person with genuineness. The important thing here is to be able to interpret whether the person is open to receiving your apology. The best thing to do is check their non-verbal communication and also gauge whether they are reception to discussing the issue with you.
  • Be a good listener. While the person is talking no matter if you agree or disagree with their take on things listen to them without flinching or interruption as they explain to you what they are feeling as a result of your actions. You can’t be on the defensive, this is one situation where you listen with empathy, without interruption and apologize with sincerity.
  • Be sensitive to the other person’s feelings. Too many times when our hands are caught in the cookie jar and we know we’ve been caught, we quickly apologize with the understanding the issue is closed for discussion. We are hesitant to examine how our actions affect the other person. In some cases, we become forgetful as quickly as we offer to apologize for our actions. We really don’t take time for the receiver to say whether they accept our apology or not which means we are prone to repeating the same behavior.
  • Talk it out. Instead of offering a quick apology and moving on, talk about what happened. Most people don’t have the stomach for this because it forces them to be vulnerable not only to learn the true feelings about you from the other person, but also having to take responsibility for your actions. This step is about acknowledging your behavior in the mishap and also ensuring it doesn’t occur again.
  • Welcome embarrassment. If you allow the recipient of an apology to talk about the offending behavior with you, yes your body will react like it does when you feel embarrassed, but sometimes it’s not embarrassment, but feelings of shame. We become shameful of being caught acting ugly towards someone especially if it’s someone we love.  That may be the reason apologies can sometimes be so difficult to make. Grin and bear it.
  • Be aware of how you communicate. When apologizing, use words that show empathy in how you understand why your actions caused the person to feel hurt. It’s important in this step to be cognizant of the person’s feelings with the goal being to truly make amends for your behavior.

I’m sorry doesn’t have to be the hardest words to say. If your apology is truly given where the receiver appreciates your sincerity, then you have done well. Apologies should help build and maintain relationships and not be a competition of who should apologize first. This practice only produces frequent impasses that usually leaves your relationships in gridlock.  Apologies shouldn’t be words spoken without thought or feeling because we care more about the outcome than how our behavior made our partner feel. To get your ex back, your apologies have to be sincere because your partner trusts that you won’t repeat the offending behavior again.

 

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